For me, this is the "root" query of all those in Faith and Practice, and it makes sense to have it be the first we engage with every year.  I feel glad every time I read it and hold it within me.  Our worship is, for me (and for most Friends, I believe), at the very heart of everything there is about being a Quaker.  I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have this query on a little card I could read through as I am settling into worship each week.  

As I hold it today, my reflection has involved wondering about fears that may arise when we are in worship, particulary in terms of what to do -- or not -- with vocal ministry, and how we open ourselves to the Inner Voice.  Our Chestnut Hill meeting seems to be a fairly safe and welcoming place for those who might fear to speak.  It is heartening to receive messages from many who are not "seasoned" members of our community, and to hear messages that sometimes reach straight into my being.  At the same time, I sometimes wonder if fear can stop us from opening ourselves to the deepest place in ourselves, where that "direct leading to listen or to speak" arises. For me, that can be a daunting place to engage with, at times. To me, "direct leading" means from outside my own will and ego.  I may find that what I "want" to say is not what I am led to offer up.  Or, I may find that I must offer up something that is hard to put into words, but needs to be said nonetheless.  The fact of how challenging this inner dialogue can be, makes me more grateful than ever that I can enter, every First Day, the blessing of this communion of waiting worship with so many other seekers.

The query that speaks to my condition right now is: How does our Meeting respond when the vocal ministry seems inappropriate, or when the meeting for worship is consistently not gathered?

The past several First Days there have been messages very "preachy" in tone and Christocentric in almost a Puritanical style. I do not recognize the several women who have given these messages, and when I looked to engage them after meeting, they were gone. I believe that all are welcome in Quaker meeting, and my "fear" (thank you, Ellen, for naming fear that can stop us from opening ourselves to the deepest place) is that other newcomers to the meeting will leave thinking differently about the meeting than we actually are. An even deeper fear is that the vocal ministry in our meeting is changing in a way that does not speak to my condition, leading me to sit in other meetings seeking the deep silence and gathered sense of universal spirit that I first found among Chestnut Hill Friends. I'm curious about how others are experiencing the  vocal ministry in our meeting and look forward to engaging with Friends around this query.

I attended meeting for most of my life determined that there was NO WAY I would ever speak out of fear of saying something "wrong," offending someone, or embarassing myself.  In more recent years I have recognized that the certainty that I wasn't going to speak meant that I wasn't fully participating in worship. I have personally had the feeling at times that a message given on a certain day was exactly what I needed to hear. What if that person had chosen not to speak out of fear? Now I appreciate how being open to the possibility of sharing a message shapes my worship and connects me more deeply to those worshipping alongside me, even if we all remain silent. 

At the same time, being willing to speak sometimes means that I say something that I later realize wasn't fully tested or didn't truly come from a deep place. Now I'm working on how I prepare myself for meeting for worship, through spiritual readings and practices throughout the week, as well as my Sunday morning routine--so that I come to meeting for worship ready to listen and, if called, to speak.

My spiritual practice has also deepened with regard to listening to the vocal ministry of others. Where previously I may have been annoyed or dismissive of some messages or tuned them out, now I am working on listening with my heart to whatever is said. Some of the first Sundays in the new meetinghouse were very much of the popcorn variety, some of the messages felt very inappropriate and upsetting, and those Sundays didn't give me the feeling of grounded worship that I need. However, I felt very profoundly engaged with this month's queries throughout those weeks and looking back that was an important time of spiritual deeping for me. Maybe those were also messages I needed to hear.

In response to the concern Irene raises, it seems like what is important is whether gathered worship is the exception or the norm. If there is an occasional popcorn meeting or an occasional disruptive message, those might be opportunities to challenge ourselves to listen with open hearts and to put aside judgment and frustration. But if that type of meeting or message begins to dominate, then we lose the solid footing of gathered worship that we need. I am hopeful that we are still in a transition period, with many interested visitors, and that as the novelty of our new space diminishes, our worship will again become more gathered.